“Everything is temporary,” “nothing lasts forever,” “this, too, shall pass,” or “memento mori.” However you like to say it, the constant promise that everything, no matter what it is, ends eventually has become something of a mantra to me lately.

Fear has been kicking my ass more or less for the past, hmm… four years? That sounds about right. I have felt trapped and suffocated by my fear ever since I graduated high school, and during the pandemic, it really skyrocketed and essentially killed my spirit. I fell into the trap of never doing much and not being able to step out of my comfort zone because every single thing in the world scared the crap out of me.

I developed a strong skill of procrastinating living my life. I made excuses for everything—I just need a different job, the weather is too bad to go out, I need to live in a bigger city for that, I’ll do it after I move out of state, I’ll do it after I graduate, I—

No!

I am so young! But I have made myself so old inside. I am so grateful to be alive and to experience life on this earth, and I refuse to let anything stop me from having new and interesting experiences. I want to try new things just for the sake of trying a new thing.

I do have to admit that, of course, this is really hard with anxiety, and under the thumb of capitalism in general. People love to say “carpe diem,” but I feel like that is way too much pressure. Maybe I’m not seizing the day well enough? Am I relaxing too much, or am I wasting my time by doing menial chores when I should be going to some remote island?

So, no, carpe diem does not work for me. Remembering in each moment that everything is temporary has not only helped me to be extremely grateful every day, but it has also eased my mind about the things I’m afraid of. Even if I’m not having a wonderful time trying something new, that pain and that moment will end! I’ll get through it okay because no matter what, it will pass.

I’ve been acutely aware of my mortality for a few years now, and now I won’t let myself take even one moment for granted. I refuse to continue living my life without actually living in my youth. I will step out of my comfort zone when I can and try new things and meet new people. I won’t be trapped by anxiety, disdain, or even identity. I can be anything and do anything, and I fully intend to. Every breath I take is a breath of fresh air, and I am ecstatic to be taking my life into my own hands.